polyticks:

greenchestnuts:

polyticks:

I would like to know where anyone who honestly thinks that the “dominant sexual paradigm” is NOT “fuck people who you love” grew up and lived their lives.

Er, who honestly thinks that “have sex with people whom you love” is demisexuality…?

Unfortunately a lot of people, it seems, but let me repeat: if you’re going to critique an identity, you should be able to articulate what that identity is. And “having sex with people whom you love” is not demisexuality.

I can completely articulate what demisexuality is.  Demisexuals don’t experience sexual attraction until they experience emotional attraction.  Many of them experience only secondary sexual attraction (that is, being attracted to personalities, shared interests, things of that nature) and not primary sexual attraction (that is, physical features, body type, etc.).  The emotional attraction is not necessarily romantic, it can also take the form of a close friendship.  The name comes from manly demi’s being halfway between asexuality and non-asexuality.

Am I going to write that entire paragraph every time I talk about facets of demisexuality?  Absolutely not. I do not see value in defining myself in both -romantic and -sexual terms, with primary and secondary attraction details, when there is one word which takes care of that for me, and I’m not going to use all those details unless the discussion specifically calls for them.  Demisexuals are not sexually or physically attracted to someone until they have emotional connections.  Love is an emotional connection.  Some demis, like all on the ace spectrum, do have sex without experiencing the sexual attraction - just like some heterosexuals might have sex with someone of their own gender, without redefining themselves as bi or gay or lesbian.  But, boiled down, my statement stands.  By definition, and in the publicly written experiences of many demis right here on Tumblr, demis do not experience sexual attraction (and in many instances, have sex) until they have a close emotional connection (i.e. they are in love, whether that be platonic or amorous).  “Fuck people who you love” is just as accurate as saying “Fuck other women” for lesbians or “Fuck anyone, regardless of gender” for pansexuals.  Are there shades of each?  Yes.  Will that statement apply 100% to every person?  No.  Does that make it inaccurate?  No. 

If I am incorrect in anything I defined right there, or if I am missing a piece, please do let me know.  I feel that I am very informed on demisexuality and asexuality (although admittedly not grey-asexuality, which is why you’ll probably never see me discuss it) and so if I truly do not understand it, please tell me so.  At the very least, I would like to know how “fuck people who you love” is not an accurate representation of demisexuality as a practice, not on an individual level.

You don’t need to write that entire paragraph to accurately discuss demisexuality. All you need to say is “experience sexual attraction only in the context of a strong emotional bond.” That’s not much longer than “fuck people whom you love,” the latter of which is a very poor description if you’re trying to talk about demisexuality and includes lots of people who aren’t demisexual.